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10 WAYS TO AVOID INFIDELITY
Secret # 41. Marriage requires a daily commitment
if it is to withstand the challenges of life. Although our
commitment on our wedding day was of great
importance, our commitment needs to be renewed daily.
This commitment is reflected in the way we treat each
other and our commitment to remain true to our spouse
in our interactions with others.
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Secret # 42. The best offense in warding off the
intrusion of an affair is to have a rewarding, satisfying
marriage that meets the needs of both partners.
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Secret # 43. An unfortunate reality is that spouses
are more vulnerable to flirtations and sexual advances from others when their
sex life is unhappy at home. Therefore, it's critical to not only make time for sex
but to have open communication with your spouse about your sexual needs.
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Secret # 44. It is important to lock your heart against flirtations
and sexual
advances. This is best done if you and your spouse openly discuss the things
you can do to avoid an affair. As you discuss ways to keep your marriage
strong, you will garner strength to prevent an affair from happening. It is also
important to commit to letting each other know if you are feeling vulnerable or if
a situation has the potential of turning in a direction that may get out of control.
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Secret # 45. Common situations that could create temptations
are business
trips, business parties or at work in general. It's important to discuss as a
partnership what boundaries should be set to avoid undue exposure to
temptation.
A very important boundary would be to never go to lunch or dinner alone with a
co-worker of the opposite sex. If you plan ahead, potential problems are easily
warded off. If your boundaries are challenged by a co-worker, explain that you
and your spouse are committed to keep your marriage safe, and have chosen
these boundaries.
Don't make the mistake of implying that it's your spouses idea and not yours,
this would severely undermine the intent of the boundaries and brings into
question your commitment to these boundaries.
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Secret # 46. In many cases, the first step down the path of
infidelity starts
with individuals sharing intimate personal information with each other on a
regular basis and not confiding in their spouses. Either party could mistake this
for feelings of intimacy, and secrecy only encourages this intimacy to grow.
Other warning signs to be aware of are an increased excitement about seeing
someone particular. Other dangerous settings include alcohol and drinking
when your spouse is not present or if you feel vulnerable because of feelings of
loneliness, rejection or anger towards your spouse.
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Secret # 47. Let there be no confusion of the fact that online
involvement
with the opposite sex is a very dangerous activity and robs your marriage of
commitment, focused energy and honesty. Some claim it is harmless; however, it
will lead so quickly to an affair that your head will spin. DO NOT GO THERE!
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Secret # 48. Trust is a key component in strong marriages.
When there is
trust between couples, there is no jealousy. You are trusted to do the right thing
at all times. Once you have earned the trust of your spouse your life becomes
easier. Because of that trust, we work harder at living worthy of the trust and
avoiding things that may chip away at our marriage commitment.
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Secret # 49. Typically, an affair begins when one partner
feels their needs
aren't getting met. They may hint that they need more attention, but the other
spouse assumes everything is okay and doesn't act on taking care of their spouse
at that time.
If the needy spouse comes across someone at work, or in
the neighborhood or at a party who shows them attention,
their self-esteem is strengthened through that flirtation. If
this process goes unchecked, they will soon find themselves
seeking support from someone outside their marriage and
the seeds have been sown for an affair.
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Secret # 50. With all that has been said, don't let the
perpetrator of an affair try and blame you for their actions.
Even if they felt that their needs were not being met, there
are so many other avenues that could have been taken to
help work through their problem.
These avenues would have strengthened the marriage and opened up lines of
communication that would benefit the marriage for years to come. Taking the
low road to an affair clearly shows their level of commitment, or lack there of, to
your marriage.
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