10 SECRETS to
CR
EATE a HAPPY FAMILY
Secret # 1.
Since the majority of parenting disagreements
are about how
and when to discipline children, it's important to discuss your parenting plan in
advance and in private. Then you will have a united front as you discipline your
children and they will not be able to play one parent against another.
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Secret # 2.
Have a family counsel or meeting every week to
help keep your
family connected and to strengthen your family relationships and keep your
marriage strong.
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Secret # 3.
Family meetings provide a great way to show appreciation
to
family members, learn and teach important principles, discuss family plans, and
solve problems as a family.
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Secret # 4.
If you want to have secure and
happy children, your marriage relationship comes
first and children come second.
Many people mistakenly believe that if the children
are happy, the marriage is happy. That idea is
completely backwards in its application.
In reality, if the parents focus on making the
children happy, they typically neglect making each
other happy. Yet if they strive to have a strong,
loving and happy relationship with their spouse,
their children will see that bond and happiness
between their parents. This helps the child to be
more grounded and secure.
An added bonus of putting your relationship with your spouse first, is your
children will learn patience, tolerance, kindness, love, and forgiveness by seeing
the example of their parents.
If you raise a child who is the center of the family, they believe their needs are
more important than anyone else’s and will easily grow up to be demanding,
self-centered children. Remember, "The most important thing a father can do for
his children is to love their mother." -- Theodore M. Hesburgh
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Secret # 5.
When both parents are involved in parenting of
children, both
the marriage and children benefit. A recent study found that the average dad, in
America, only spent 47 seconds per day in conversations with his children.
It's critical to have fathers involved in shaping the character and moral values of
our children. Effective interaction with fathers can help our children develop a
greater understanding of who they are and who they can become.
Spend enough time with your child to let them know that you are on their side
and want what is best for them.
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Secret # 6.
Although it is "common" for teenagers
to rebel and have conflict, it is not "normal". We often
hear of the turmoil of the teenage years; however, the
teenage years can actually be a time that parents and
their teenagers grow closer together.
As parents and teenagers discuss their differences of
opinion, their relationships will be strengthened and
there will not be an open rebellion against parental
authority. Teenagers still needed reasonable and
appropriate boundaries, as these are discussed and
reinforced, a parent can help guide their teenager
through the years of discovery that will help them
develop into a contributing young adult.
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Secret # 7.
The key to raising a 'successful
child' is by being a successful
parent. A parent cannot 'make' their child successful; they can only give them
the tools to find success themselves.
These tools include modeling appropriate behavior in relationships, how they
work around the home and serve in their community. As your children see the
happiness that comes from maintain a strong working relationship in your
marriage, they will want to model this in their lives as well.
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Secret # 8.
There are times when all children choose not to obey or comply
with directions from their parents. Some parents hope in vain that if they ignore
this non-compliant behavior it will go away.
However, not only will it not go away, your child will begin to test you in other
areas of their life. In reality, children want and need boundaries and
consequences for their good and bad choices, without consistent boundaries and
consequences it is difficult for children to function appropriately in their family,
school and neighborhood.
Therefore, non-compliant behavior needs to be dealt with swiftly and
consistently and should not be allowed to divide the parents.
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Secret # 9.
Child idiosyncrasies you must accept and use:
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Children do not think like
or view the world like adults...they will do
weird things. If it doesn't hurt them or destroy their outlook on life, let
them be weird kids some times.
? ?
Children will do foolish
things; it is your job to help them learn wisdom.
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Children will model behaviors
that they see, so don't expect more from
them than you are willing to demonstrate and live yourself.
? ?
Children do things for a
reason; sometimes they even choose to misbehave
on purpose. They are testing you to see if you will stick to the lines you
have drawn in the sand. Their 'free expression' is not going to be
squelched by boundaries, maintaining these boundaries will only help
them better understand the world they need to live and function in for a
life time.
Secret # 10.
A child’s behavior depends
upon who the child is, what they
know or can expect from you and what they want. Typically, they want either
positive reinforcement or to try and get out of something they don't want to do.
Therefore, consist and united parenting in your marriage will help guide your
child through their toddler, adolescent and teenage years.
