10 MARRIAGE

COUNSELING SECRETS

counseling is admitting defeat, or implies that

they are weak in some way. However, in reality,

many very strong people seek guidance from

counselors to help them maintain or restore a

marriage relationship that is facing problems.

You wouldn't hesitate to go to a medical doctor if

you were ill and over the counter medicine was

not helping. So it also stands to reason that you

would go to a counselor if your efforts to solve a problem in your marriage were

not being resolved by the lone efforts of you and your spouse.

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resolved early on, a couple may stew over these problems for years ant his

creates negative behavior patterns that become difficult to reverse. Obtaining

professional help sooner rather than later will reduce verbal sparring, poor or no

communication and acting out.

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receiving end of counseling. Your counselor needs to be very familiar with the

terrain, not from only textbook knowledge but from personal experience. This

allows them to more effectively counsel you without getting any of their

personal issues all tangled up with your problems. Having been through

counseling allows them to be a more effective and empathetic counselor.

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routinely prevent us from resolving our differences. A nice bonus is that when

you find the right therapist, you usually improve your relationship in ways you

never imagined.

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expertise in the area of your concern and they also need to have the personality,

therapeutic style and values that match yours as well.

Consequently, it's important to shop around before deciding on a therapist. A

good starting place is talking with people who have had a positive experience in

marriage counseling. A trusted friend, family doctor, or your minister would be

a good start.

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become very intense at times as you explore the causes and solutions to your

problem. However, it will be well worth the effort to explore issues that may

have been avoided for a long time. As you show your willingness to invest in

your relationship, you will find that relationship strengthened and able to

withstand many additional challenges later down the road.

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However, your efforts to maintain your marriage will be well worth the time you

invest. You will discover that your marriage will be fortified with a renewed

hope.

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They hate not being able to figure something out on their own. Men, by nature,

are trained to be independent and self-sufficient.

They would rather learn from doing than from

discussing. Therefore, it is more difficult for men to see a

therapist. So if the idea of having a male therapist makes

a big difference to him, this would be good time to give in

to his request.

For men who are uncomfortable with the thought of a

one-on-one session, many therapists say group therapy is

a good starting point. Sitting down in a group setting--

usually with six to ten other individuals--can address

feelings of isolation and improve interpersonal skills.

Men in our culture may have more fear of intimacy and

revealing emotions, and difficulty with empathy or with

'soft' emotions. By helping people share their concerns and fears, groups can ease

men past these barriers to treatment." Therapy groups with a narrow focus can

be especially appealing to guys.

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comfortable with counseling is starting with group therapy. It is less

intimidating working with a group of five to ten other men and address the

feelings of isolation, and work on improving interpersonal skills.

Many men in our culture fear intimacy and revealing their emotions. In group

therapy, the group can help ease men past theirs barriers and begin treatment.

As a side note, therapy groups that have a narrow focus are usually more

appealing to men.

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Drugs do not heal the underlying causes of anxiety and depression. However,

when drugs are temporarily used to give a person a window of relief to do the

inner work necessary to heal the underlying causes, they can be useful. So it may

be necessary to take some medicine for a period of time while you are receiving

counseling so that you are better able to better focus on and resolve your

differences.